Monday, 13 March 2017

You Are Not Alone

I was completely over the moon to be able to switch gears from working full time to becoming a stay at home mum with my second child. Now five years on I can easily say that staying at home with my children is one of the best and the most hardest jobs I’ve ever done. It’s physically exhausting, mentally challenging, emotionally draining and it can also be extremely isolating at times.

Those first few weeks after you’ve given birth can be rather overwhelming with visitors, flowers and gifts. Then slowly the weeks pass and the phone calls stop coming, the messages get few and far between, your partner goes back to work and there you are...just you and your baby. Alone. 

The days are filled with quietness and empty stares. You spend a good amount of time talking to someone who can’t talk back and some days you feel as though you've become completely deranged for simply talking to yourself or the dog.

I honestly never thought that loneliness and motherhood would go hand in hand and if I said it didn't, I'd be lying. 

Motherhood is lonely. 

Now, by no means am I friendless lonely but oh my goodness I sometimes wish someone would throw me a text and ask me out for an evening drink or a meal. I'd rather do something other than sit at home and watch TV, edit or would be lovely to do something to break up the repetitiveness, that and just being able to speak to someone with the same body parts as me would be bloody fantastic!

This past week Channel Mum have made it their mission to make sure that every mum out there has somewhere to turn to if they ever feel alone, and in turn created the 'You Are Not Alone' campaign. The #CMYANA challenges mums to perform five daily activities to widen their friendship circle and perhaps meet new mums out of it.
The tasks are:
1. Go to a baby or toddler group and sit with a mum who's there alone.
2. Smile at every mum you pass or meet
3. Go to the park and chat to another mum who's there by herself.
4. Get a phone number off one of the mums you meet today.
5. Text them and arrange to meet up for a coffee.

So whether you're experiencing being a mum for the first time or you've got six children, just know that we're all going through it. We've all been there.

Please remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Feeling Lost In Motherhood

It's been a while.

Life recently has become a bit of a blur. The days merging into one.

I'm going to be honest and admit that I've been feeling a little lost. Lost as a person, as a wife but most importantly feeling lost as a mother.

"I don't know who I am anymore."

"I can't remember who I used to be."

My life has become intertwined with two people. Two very special people whom I love immensely but right now it feels as though there's barley any trace of me left and I've somewhat slightly become them in a way. It's as though I'm hanging on to the very last bits of me and I need to try and find myself again before I feel completely lost.

I'm going to say it. I'm putting it out there. Part of me doesn't just want to be a mum and I know it sounds utterly awful and selfish of me to say that. I absolutely adore my children, I love being a mother, I chose to stay at home and I really really wouldn't change it for the world but there's a tiny part of me that maybe wants a bit more out of life.

I can't exactly pinpoint the moment I felt it, and I truly don't know when that feeling began.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so bloody lucky to have an amazing husband that is so supportive of what I do and I have two beautiful and healthy children that light up my world but I've just got this niggling feeling that deep down there's something missing.

What that is, I do not know.

I sometimes daydream about things I want to accomplish, like making my crochet hobby into a successful business. Making my channel and my blog successful. I would love to travel the world and seek out it's beauty, and there's nothing more I'd like than to own a family home. I know one day I'll get there, we'll get there. It's just going to take some time isn't it?

I just really want to stop feeling so disconnected with myself now. I despise feeling like this. I want to feel like me again and not like a mindless mombie trudging through life...

It's time to stop sulking, put on my big girl pants and make the most of what I've got. Dreams can come true, I've just got to work at it.

Thursday, 5 January 2017

Things I Want To Achieve This Year

The new year is here. Hello 2017!

I can't believe we're already whizzing through the first week of January and reality has finally returned after a well needed break. It's normally around this time where I like to reflect on my achievements and failures from the previous year, but also think of goals and aspirations for what I would like to accomplish for the year ahead...

The one major thing I really want to do more this year is read. I've always loved books. I love how they give you an escape from reality. I love that moment when you open up a new book and sink into a story that's perhaps way way better than your own life, even if it is for a few moments. With a mass pile of books racking up, I've vowed to switch off from social media in the evenings and instead of grabbing my phone, I want to grab a book. The thought of curling up on the sofa with a blanket, a hot cup of tea and a good read just makes the winter months more inviting.

I've also downloaded the Goodreads app so I can keep track of the books I've read, hopefully find some new ones along the way but also take advantage of the reading challenge. I've challenged myself for 12 books this year, a number I'm hoping to achieve and if I read more, it's a bonus!

Date nights is another one. It might seem a rather small goal but it's something that's definitely needed more in my life. Now that I'm married to Ricci I feel we need to make more of an effort with each other and spending quality time together is one of them.

I think we've always actually struggled to take time out for ourselves as a couple and as a parent, the mum guilt sets in when we ask a family member to look after Josh and Soph, even if it is for a few hours. That being said, this year it changes. I need to spend more one on one time with my husband, and we need to remember what it's like being us. Jess and Ricci, not just mum and dad.

Do you have anything set in mind that you'd like to accomplish this year? What are your hopes and dreams for 2017?