Monday, 13 March 2017

You Are Not Alone

I was completely over the moon to be able to switch gears from working full time to becoming a stay at home mum with my second child. Now five years on I can easily say that staying at home with my children is one of the best and the most hardest jobs I’ve ever done. It’s physically exhausting, mentally challenging, emotionally draining and it can also be extremely isolating at times.

Those first few weeks after you’ve given birth can be rather overwhelming with visitors, flowers and gifts. Then slowly the weeks pass and the phone calls stop coming, the messages get few and far between, your partner goes back to work and there you are...just you and your baby. Alone. 

The days are filled with quietness and empty stares. You spend a good amount of time talking to someone who can’t talk back and some days you feel as though you've become completely deranged for simply talking to yourself or the dog.

I honestly never thought that loneliness and motherhood would go hand in hand and if I said it didn't, I'd be lying. 

Motherhood is lonely. 

Now, by no means am I friendless lonely but oh my goodness I sometimes wish someone would throw me a text and ask me out for an evening drink or a meal. I'd rather do something other than sit at home and watch TV, edit or would be lovely to do something to break up the repetitiveness, that and just being able to speak to someone with the same body parts as me would be bloody fantastic!

This past week Channel Mum have made it their mission to make sure that every mum out there has somewhere to turn to if they ever feel alone, and in turn created the 'You Are Not Alone' campaign. The #CMYANA challenges mums to perform five daily activities to widen their friendship circle and perhaps meet new mums out of it.
The tasks are:
1. Go to a baby or toddler group and sit with a mum who's there alone.
2. Smile at every mum you pass or meet
3. Go to the park and chat to another mum who's there by herself.
4. Get a phone number off one of the mums you meet today.
5. Text them and arrange to meet up for a coffee.

So whether you're experiencing being a mum for the first time or you've got six children, just know that we're all going through it. We've all been there.

Please remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Feeling Lost In Motherhood

It's been a while.

Life recently has become a bit of a blur. The days merging into one.

I'm going to be honest and admit that I've been feeling a little lost. Lost as a person, as a wife but most importantly feeling lost as a mother.

"I don't know who I am anymore."

"I can't remember who I used to be."

My life has become intertwined with two people. Two very special people whom I love immensely but right now it feels as though there's barley any trace of me left and I've somewhat slightly become them in a way. It's as though I'm hanging on to the very last bits of me and I need to try and find myself again before I feel completely lost.

I'm going to say it. I'm putting it out there. Part of me doesn't just want to be a mum and I know it sounds utterly awful and selfish of me to say that. I absolutely adore my children, I love being a mother, I chose to stay at home and I really really wouldn't change it for the world but there's a tiny part of me that maybe wants a bit more out of life.

I can't exactly pinpoint the moment I felt it, and I truly don't know when that feeling began.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so bloody lucky to have an amazing husband that is so supportive of what I do and I have two beautiful and healthy children that light up my world but I've just got this niggling feeling that deep down there's something missing.

What that is, I do not know.

I sometimes daydream about things I want to accomplish, like making my crochet hobby into a successful business. Making my channel and my blog successful. I would love to travel the world and seek out it's beauty, and there's nothing more I'd like than to own a family home. I know one day I'll get there, we'll get there. It's just going to take some time isn't it?

I just really want to stop feeling so disconnected with myself now. I despise feeling like this. I want to feel like me again and not like a mindless mombie trudging through life...

It's time to stop sulking, put on my big girl pants and make the most of what I've got. Dreams can come true, I've just got to work at it.